I just want a house!
This has been my greatest want ever since selling our dearly loved home on the golf course.
Our plan was to rent for a couple years and then turn around and buy another house. But that didn’t happen.
4 years later we are still renters without a prospect of being able to buy a house anytime soon. Blah!
It’s amazing how God can use these want’s on our hearts to shape us, mold us and draw us closer to Him. That’s exactly what He has been doing these past few years. Working on this heart of mine.
Wanting a home of our own is not a bad thing. Only I’ve allowed it to consume me at times. It's been my driving force to reach success. Sometimes I can be a horse with blinders on, pushing and hustling my way to what I want no matter what the cost. It's exhausting, selfish and wrong.
I've done this many times in the last 4 years. God often interrupts my thoughts and gets me back on track and recently, He had to do it again. He revealed to me the reason I was unhappy. It wasn’t because I didn’t have a house. It was because all I wanted was a house.
Happiness doesn’t come by achievement or obtaining what we want because we will always want more. I am learning that joy isn’t found in what we want, it found in serving God and living a life that pleases Him. It's a much more peaceful way to live and it has so much more passion and purpose than we can imagine.
My boutique has been a great blessing. Financially, creatively… But it hasn’t brought in the major bucks I was hoping it would by this time. Probably why I started struggling with my lazar focus on wanting a house again.
That’s not to say my boutique hasn’t been a success. It’s grown my leaps and bounds all summer long. So the discontentment?
I wanted to be further ahead by now. I want it to fund our new home, but it's just not there yet.
After all the work and exhaustion I found myself frustrated yet again by my lack of ability to reach the goals I set.
Every find yourself in that place of frustration over broken dreams and plans?
There I was nearing burn out - again.
The burnout indicator was flashing bright but I'd forgotten what the indicator light was for. I knew burn out was around the corner but I still felt lost and unsure as to what I needed to do to make it turn off.
God’s devine timing
A book happened to arrive the very day I found myself struggling with it all. A book I purchased as a pre order weeks prior. I had no idea it was arriving that day. And there it was, a gift I didn't know I needed. I picked it up and began reading it with the inclination it had wisdom to impart to me in this season.
God’s timing is perfect.
As I started reading it began breathing truth and life back into my thirsty soul.
I remembered what I needed to do.
God always brings me back to surrender. Every. Single. Time. Surrender is the word and action that God always brings me too. It has saved my life, my marriage and my sanity many a time.
So in tear’s, on my bed, I cupped my hands together, extended them out and said, “Here Lord, take it all. I want all these things but I can’t carry the burden of them anymore. Into your hands I offer everything. Take it.”
Immediately I felt peace. Immediately I felt closer to God. There was nothing standing between me and Him now. My want’s were safely in His hands.
Because God is in control anyway. Try as I might to control things the more I fight for control, the more distance I put between me and God.
Another truth: God can do more for us in one second, than we can do for ourselves in an entire lifetime. If we would just stop fighting Him.
What we want probably won't make us happy. True surrender and a life filled to the brim with gratitude, despite current circumstances, can.
Something I constantly need reminded of.
The world tells us something completely different. That's what makes it so hard! We are constantly battling the status quo. It's not easy.
I want a dog
I remember a conversation I once had with my youngest son years ago.
He came to me crying wanting a dog. I think I rolled my eyes, when he wasn’t looking of course, at his dramatic entrance and behavior.
We lived in the apartment at that time and there was just no way we could get dog.
Did I want to console him in that moment and get him what we was asking for? I sure did. But the timing wasn’t right.
Likewise, I know God desires to give us the I desires of our hearts but the timing isn’t right.
That's not to say God will always give us what we ask for. Sometimes when He changes our hearts our dreams begin to change as well.
If it's not what's best for us, then chances are He wont give it to us.
I want what you have for me
The whole reason I am writing this blog today is because I feel like God is asking me to share the pieces and parts of my life where He has called me to surrender.
It's a good reminder for me. It will keep me reading, learning and surrendering.
More to come <3 Until then, I hope this somehow encouraged you today with the want's on your heart.
He hears, He knows, He listens, are you listening?
xoxo - Lesly Birkland